The Captain’s Log 2

Best Foot Forward

It’s Sunday. I’ve entertained at three parties this weekend and I’m sitting in Cafe Nero cradling a mug of tea before embarking on my final party of the weekend. A group of Polish girls chat in broken English about their trips around the UK. I think they are practicing their language skills on each other.

Mint Tea girl says “Cambridge was fun but not as ‘British’ as the guide book says.”

Soya Milk Latte girl says “I very much enjoyed Oxford but I was nearly knocked over by a bicycle.”

Mint Tea girls says “Cambridge also has many bicycles but they don’t knock you over.”

I’m thinking Cambridge might be the better option then.

Sometimes my weekend goes swimmingly. Every party is a dream and the parents who book me, the birthday child and the mini party goers are all wonderful. This weekend was not quite one of those.

It started well. Really well. The venue was welcoming and I was provided with a cup of coffee as I set up and they let me get in early so I wasn’t rushed. The kids where energetic but on the whole lovely, bubbly and responsive and the birthday Mum (another Blogger) was really easy going and just let me get on with my show and was receptive to everything I had suggested might work to make the party better. The birthday boy was 6 years old and was also great fun. Full of excitement, eager to get involved and introduced me to all his friends as they arrived, called me ‘Captain Calamsy’ and grinned and laughed heartily throughout the show.

Then I arrived at party two. To be honest it was a bit of a trek from one party to the other so I arrived with the bare minimum time I needed to setup. This one was at a school which is fine if I can park easily and access the space without Caretakers flexing their muscle and providing me with lists of ‘do’s and don’ts’. There was no sign of the Caretaker and the Hall was open. All would have been absolutely fine if in an attempt to help the birthday Dad to setup the chunky metal refectory tables for the birthday tea; I hadn’t dropped one of them right across the bridge of my right foot. I stopped for a moment looking at the floor. Hoping that I hadn’t done any damage. Time froze. Then slowly the burning throbbing sensation engulfed my foot. Something was wrong. I smiled at the parents and walked to my van outside trying to maintain the facade of ‘being perfectly fine’. I was not. I sat in the van. Doors shut and waited for the deep throbbing to subside. When it did; I returned to the party. I became Captain Calamity; the bumbling Pirate Superhero that the 5 year old birthday girl had wanted for her party for a whole year since her Mum had booked me. She had watched my videos on YouTube, she had remembered all her favourite routines from seeing me at her friends parties and my pain was of no interest to her (unless I could make it funny) therefore it would be pushed to the back of my mind so I could do a professional job. I won’t say it was easy but I did it and as the guests left and the parents drove away from the hall having thanked me for a good job and paid me my fee; I took my trainer off and peeled down my sock to reveal a nice purple bruise.

My Sunday morning party went quite well. One issue was that I do a trick with a wooden block that has a piece of string through it and I am able to stop the block as its dropping down the string. However; to demonstrate that the string is one piece without any notches or knots; I have to drop the block down the string and straight on my foot. So I’ve got it all setup. I realise I’m going to drop this block right on my bad foot.
My foot is screaming “Don’t do it!”
The kids want me to drop it.
It’s going to look awkward if I swap over feet now but I know it’s going to hurt. In my head I count down to the moment of impact and then I just do it. BANG!!!! That hurt. So I make a joke about having to limp around. The kids laugh and on I go with the show. That burning throbbing aching pain is back and all for a silly laugh. What an idiot.

The rest of the party went well. Lots of happy four year olds and a birthday boy who took immense pleasure in putting a shaving foam pie in my face as his friends screamed with delight! They all loved the routine I did with my Puppet Scorcher the Dragon and every joke and silly comment that Scorcher made at my expense; hit the mark. Sunday started well.

I’ve just looked at the time and better head off to my last party. I’ll report back in the next paragraph if there is something to add…

…There is something to add. I won’t go into detail because I’ve ranted enough already and this particular incident will fill a post in itself. Let’s just say; sometimes you just need to keep smiling and nodding and let people say what they need to say then stick your professional head on and make the peace. Which is exactly what I did. I’ll tell you more about this sometime soon.

The party went well. I know this crowd and the kids are lively and lovely at the same time. At the end of the show; Barry the Caretaker (not his real name. I’m rubbish with names). helped me pack away as we chatted about his Fishing Trips, Hall Maintenance, what to do with his week off and whatever else we could both think of to pass the time. I like Barry. He’s a descent bloke. 5′ 8″ and the right side of podgy. Just large enough to look jovial and friendly but not fat. He’s always happy to chat and often helps me clear away. Then I headed home in the ‘Captain Calamity Mobile’ to The Lollipop Lighthouse in Chocolate Button Bay where I tell the kids I live. In actual fact; it was back to Edgware to help Kelly (my wife) clear the mess that my boys had made from a ‘Pyjama Day’ at home and to tuck the two little misfits into bed. I look at them both tucked up in bed. I’ll check on them later. They’re cute; my boys… When they’re asleep.

My foot is still throbbing but I’m not disheartened. This weekend; the positives have far outweighed the negatives and as I watch Dragons Den on telly and see Peter Jones absolutely crucify a brave Entrepeneur who is confidently selling Goal Posts but can’t quite work out the value of his business; I realise some people have worse days than me.

Don’t forget to get your little ones to view my YouTube Channel. I mean your kids and not your aged and slowly shrinking parents.

Details below:-

The Captain Calamity Adventures

Captain Calamity’s amazing YouTube Channel is up and running and it is looking great!

This fantastic channel aimed at children aged 3 years+ is set to be full of Art Projects for your creative kids, Science Experiments for inquisitive young minds, magic for pure entertainment and tricks that your little ones can have a go at themselves. Their will also be plenty of ideas for rainy days, bath time fun, long car journeys and anywhere where kids need a little engagement. Above all; this channel is fun and entertaining creating smiles and laughter.

Subscribe today to catch the weekly episodes that go live every Sunday at 5pm. Plus their will also be bonus episodes during the week.

Please share this post with anyone you think may find it of interest.


About The Captains Log

Dov Citron aka Captain Calamity is a deeply flawed Human Being, A Man who never grew up, Father of two young cheeky and overly spoilt middle class boys and a Husband to a very understanding and also very stubborn Wife. He is also a Multi Award Winning Children's Entertainer, Blogger, YouTuber and Picture Book Author. His Blogs are a candid, honest, humorous and quirky view of every day life's trials and tribulations and the huge contrast between being a family man and Captain Calamity Children's Entertainer.
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