The Captains Log (Reboot)

Tumbling Out of Control

Over the years I’ve made many attempts at writing a blog. I’ve written hints and tips for running a party, I’ve talked about the psychology of engaging different age groups, I’ve tried to be sarcastic and jokey with my content but I’ve never been able to maintain the facade of being a relentlessly witty, intelligent Super Dad. So I have made a decision to reboot and start again but this time I’m just going to be honest. Some posts will be pretty raw, others quite light hearted. This will be a un-edited snap shot of my slightly absurd and unusual day job as an entertainer combined with the very normal and often too real life I lead as a dad to two cheeky boundary pushing, middle class, spoilt and yet loveable boys and a husband to my smart and beautiful yet stubborn and argumentative wife of nearly ten years. You may not agree with everything I say in fact I sincerely hope you don’t but I hope you appreciate the honesty behind it.

Why am I writing this? Therapy perhaps and the desire that; through my candour you might see echoes of your own life and realise although we are all very different, in a lot of ways we are all very much the same.

Today I’m in the laundrette. I perform bubble shows at kids parties and that means a lot of wet towels and mats covered in bubble liquid. I’m not allowed to use the washing machine or tumble dryer at home. Not since the ‘Foam Gate’ incident when the washing machine filled up with so much foam from the residue bubble liquid on my towels that the bathroom (where the machine is kept) was flooded. Foam party for the kids but Kelly; my wife was livid. I’m good at inadvertently making Kelly livid. I have all the right intentions but all to often I act in haste, not really thinking about the outcome. Kelly recently received a speeding ticket. I saw it one morning and decided to pay it. No problem so far right? Except that Kelly had already booked herself on a Speed Awareness Course and when I paid the fine; she was automatically removed from the course and points where added to her licence. It’s all sorted now. She sorted it in the end after I spent a day chasing my tale and getting nowhere. We don’t talk about it now. It just annoys her.

As I sit here in Kingsbury Laundrette; the closest one to home that hasn’t yet objected to me bundling my saturated materials into their machines (I’ve been banned from more than a few laundrettes in my time). I am hypnotised by the machines tumbling brightly coloured cloth over and over itself in rows of constantly changing kaleidoscopes. I am suddenly made ripped from my malaise by the sound of the elderly bohemian lady to my left who is constantly belching. I turn only slightly so as not to catch her eye and find she is drinking coke from a huge bottle, stopping at regular intervals to let out massive gurgling fizzy pop burps. She seems completely unperturbed by on lookers and continues in earnest drinking and burping her way through half a litre of her brown fizzy drink of choice. I do like my regular trips to the laundrette. You meet some great characters. The owner is a man called Dave (He’s not but I can’t remember his real name. I’m rubbish with names). He’s a little chap. Looks like a trendy Science teacher. Nice though. He suggested that I should pour a bottle of Comfort directly onto my mats and towels to prevent the foam. It works. Which he must be pleased about because I often wrecked his machines and he used to have to get Steve (not his real name) in to fix them. Steve is the Laundrette Maintenance Man. I used to see a lot of Steve before I stopped breaking the machines. He was a nice guy too. Tall whispy, middle aged chap. Looks like he’s lived a hard life (made harder by me and my mats). We used to joke about the broken machines but inside I bet he felt only a burning loathing for me. Still those days are gone now. Which is just as well because I was running out of Laundrettes in London that didn’t have posters up with my mug on them instructing customers to report me if I set foot on their premises… It was getting a bit like that. Well my stuff is dry now so I’m going to sign off. I need to get some lightbulbs, a new laptop power lead to replace the one that either Zak or Luca (my two boys) snapped off in the plug socket (and that I’m being blamed for) and I must fix Scorcher the Dragons box (he’s a puppet!) before my weekends parties. Be sure to look out for my next blog and please drop me a comment below.

Be Safe
Be Smart
Be Smiley


Your kids might like my YouTube Channel. Please check it out and subscribe if you don’t mind getting a weekly update from me when each of my shows goes up on the channel.

Here are the details:-
The Captain Calamity Adventures

Captain Calamity’s amazing YouTube Channel is up and running and it is looking great!

This fantastic channel aimed at children aged 3 years+ is set to be full of Art Projects for your creative kids, Science Experiments for inquisitive young minds, magic for pure entertainment and tricks that your little ones can have a go at themselves. Their will also be plenty of ideas for rainy days, bath time fun, long car journeys and anywhere where kids need a little engagement. Above all; this channel is fun and entertaining creating smiles and laughter.

Subscribe today to catch the weekly episodes that go live every Sunday at 5pm. Plus their will also be bonus episodes during the week.

Please share this post with anyone you think may find it of interest.


About The Captains Log

Dov Citron aka Captain Calamity is a deeply flawed Human Being, A Man who never grew up, Father of two young cheeky and overly spoilt middle class boys and a Husband to a very understanding and also very stubborn Wife. He is also a Multi Award Winning Children's Entertainer, Blogger, YouTuber and Picture Book Author. His Blogs are a candid, honest, humorous and quirky view of every day life's trials and tribulations and the huge contrast between being a family man and Captain Calamity Children's Entertainer.
This entry was posted in Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink.

4 Responses to The Captains Log (Reboot)

  1. Andrew kerfoot says:

    Love your brand mate. Keep going, I know you have the determination to make it work. Chorley. Xx

  2. Simone says:

    Brilliant, witty, well observed. I look forward to reading more.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s